[YURI!!! ON ICE] [CHICAGO THE MUSICAL] ICE BLOCK TANGO

A parody of Chicago the Musical’s Cell Block Tango, done by the dorks we know as the Grand Prix 2016 Barcelona finalists.

This is a late birthday present for Viktor Nikiforov, Living Legend, rookie coach, and beloved dork who loves exotic food, his poodle(s) and his fiancé too much. Happy Birthday Viktor, we wish you life, love and prosperity with your (future) rival husband Yuuri.

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Picture Source

-o0o-

[OTABEK] Glomp

[CHRISTOPHE] Poods

[YUURI] Flop

[JJ] Non non

[PHICHIT] Sagrada

[YURI] VIKTOR.

 

[ODA]

And now in the exhibition, the six competitors of the Grand Prix Finals,

in their rendition of The Ice Block Tango.

 

[OTABEK] Glomp

[CHRISTOPHE] Poods

[YUURI] Flop

[JJ] Non non!

[PHICHIT] Sagrada

[YURI] VIKTOR.

 

[ALL]

He had it coming, he had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you’d have been there, if you’d have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

 

[OTABEK]

You know how people have these little habits that really get on your nerves?

Like… Viktor.

Viktor, he really likes to hug other people. No not hug, GLOMP.

So I came back to the hotel after practice, exhausted and needing some sympathy. And there’s Viktor, jumping from the pool side to hug me. No, not hugging, GLOMPING.

And so I said to him, “If you dare glomp me one more time—-” And he did.

So I took Yura next to me and sicced the Russian Tiger on him. Into his chest.

 

[ALL]

He had it coming, he had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you’d have been there, if you’d have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

 

[CHRISTOPHE]

I met Viktor at the Europe Figure Skating Championship when I was thirteen, and he told me he absolutely adores cats. So we hit it off right away. We even lived together briefly, you know. He’d go to practice and come home, I fixed him a drink.

Until I found out.

“Adores cats”, he told me. “Adores cats” my ass.

Not only does he own a dog, oh no, he had six poodles. One of those poodle people you know.

So that night when he came back from the rink, I fixed him a drink, per usual. You know some guy just can’t hold their catnip.

 

[ALL]

He had it coming, he had it coming

He took the flower in his prime

And then he used it, and he abused it

It was a murder but not a crime.

 

[YUURI]

Now I’m standing in the kitchen, cooking up the katsudon for dinner, minding my own business, in storms Vitya in a jealous rage.

“You’ve been sleeping with Makkachin,” he said. He was being childish again, and he kept on saying, “You’ve been sleeping with Makkachin.”

And then he ran into my mittens. He ran into my mittens ten times.

 

[ALL]

If you had been there; if you had seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

 

[JJ] (in French)

How did he never remember me, until now?

They say he hit his head against the wall once.

But I know it’s not true, I know he never bothered to remember.

I even stood on the podium with him last year, I don’t understand why he acted like that.

I tried to jog his memory a bit but he didn’t understand a thing.

 

[PHICHIT]

Yeah, but did you anger him in any way?

 

[JJ]

Non non. Not. Guilty!

 

[PHICHIT]

My best friend Yuuri and I got into the Grand Prix Finals together, and his fiancé Viktor travelled along with him. For the first evening’s Short Program we did a couple of jumps in a row: one, two, three, four loops, Axels, spread eagle, Salchows, toeloops, combination spins, one right after the other. So that night after the program we headed back to the hotel Sagrada Família, the three of us, boozed in, having a few laughs, and we ran out of ice, so I ran to get some. I came back, opened the door, and there’s Yuuri and Viktor, doing Ciao Ciao’s number seventeen: the Spead Eagle!

Well I was in such a state of shock; I completely blacked out I didn’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I washed their tears off my hands I even knew the photos were posted on Instagram.

 

[ALL]

They had it coming

They had it coming

They had it coming all along

I didn’t do it

But if I’d done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

(repeat)

 

[YURI]

Let’s be honest, we’ve all admired Viktor Nikiforov more than we could say. He is a very artistic guy, sensitive for a figure skater.

But he took last year off to find himself. He flew all the way from St. Pete’s to find himself and on the way he found life, love, katsudon…

And Yuuri.

I guess you could say we parted because of artistic differences.

He saw himself as revived.

I saw him as dead.

 

[ALL]

That dorky dork, dork, dork, dork, dork

That dorky dork, dork, dork, dork, dork

 

[ALL]

He had it coming, he had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you’d have been there, if you’d have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

(repeat)

 

[OTABEK] You try to glomp me one more time.

[CHRISTOPHE] “Adores cats,” my arse.

[YUURI] Ten times

[JJ] (in French) I even stood on the podium with him last year

[PHICHIT] Number Seventeen, the Spread Eagle

[YURI] Artistic differences.

 

[OTABEK] Glomp

[CHRISTOPHE] Poods

[YUURI] Flop

[JJ] Non non

[PHICHIT] Sagrada

[YURI] VIKTOR.

-o0o-

Author Note: I do not own the skaters and Chicago the Musical. I wish I could do something for the RENT fandom though, seeing that they are having a Christmas of their lives.

Victuuri and the skaters are the death of me. They are so pure and so huggable I just can’t.

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One thought on “[YURI!!! ON ICE] [CHICAGO THE MUSICAL] ICE BLOCK TANGO

  1. Pingback: [MASTERPOST] FICTION – PAY HOMAGE TO THE ICE

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